O Christmas Tree

Well, not to be redundant on intro BUT it's been such a long time since writing that I forgot how to log in to this thing.  Maybe that was because of my lack of patience which I seem to have used up during the 45 minute ordeal in which I tried to reason with my toddler regarding acceptable Christmas Tree Ornament Etiquette.  "Is this a thing?" you ask.  Well - lots of non-things become things when trying to reason with a two year old.  (oxy-moron).

Old book ideas - abandoned; New book idea for toddlers:  Acceptable Christmas Tree Ornament Etiquette for Toddlers.  Fully illustrated with diagrams for easy understanding!  Special section on "Why It Seems Ok to Ignore Your Mommys' Instructions Because You Are Wailing On The Couch."  (true part of my story...I left the room I wouldn't begin my own fit of rage and heard crying from the living room ongoing for 20 minutes.  At the conclusion of said 20 minutes I had collected myself (because I'm the adult here, right?!) and calmly and serenely indicated that it was now time to fix hair.  My daughters defeated and sniffly response was "no, mommy....no.  I'm still crying on the couch.")

Other sections:

1) Basic Tree Rules: Only Look With Eyes
2) Throwing Ornaments Is Not Kind
3) Climbing Is Never OK (But laying on the tree skirt under the tree may be)

It would be a best seller, amiright.  The only prerequisite knowledge required of the toddler market is how to read.  Shockingly enough, when typing "teach your toddler to....." into the google bar, one of the first things that pops up is "read."

Good.  We're all ready for this.

I actually felt happy to be going to Wal-Mart after these exciting events...all my SAHMs, can I get an amen?  At least to make me feel better?  I'm trying to get a feel for the market of my new book here...

(Oh my, yes things get a little dramatic around here but that is to be expected out of such an expressive and otherwise delightful 2.5 year old.  Kids keep things interesting and certainly never boring.)

And I hope everyone relating to this is now enjoying a peaceful moment this afternoon, as I am.  Mint green tea and kindle in hand I wish you Happy Naptime.  Cheers!

It's Fun to Read Good Books

The last few months have been fairly uneventful.  I'll try to get back into writing at least once a week.  I read a few books that I've been meaning to write for the last 10 years.*  The first one being The Poisonwood Bible.  This book jacked me up, and by jacked me up I mean made me think outside myself.  Unfortunately I'm guilty of getting tunnel vision, obsessing over needless details like home decor and pop culture.  While hitting me on the head over worrying less over stupid things that don't matter it simultaneously screamed at me to pay attention to details that do matter and to appreciate the small things in life (like my daughter waking from nap time and barking like a dog to entertain herself while waiting for me to come get her.  That's happening.  Right.  Now.)

My favorite quote from the book:

"To live is to be marked.  To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know."

Barbara Kingslover said everything I've wanted to think or say about the world in this story.  She summarized my thoughts about those who are in need and the irony behind the world as far as what helps or hurts better than I ever could.  I read the book and felt like I could take a whole breath afterward because my incomplete ideas finally came fully into being.  What a gift, to be able to write like that.

Loved.  It.

I'll try to be back with less reflective bally-hoo such as reviews on my new iPhone 5c, baby girl's Halloween costume and my love/hate relationship with Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition.  (I just completely contradicted everything I learned when reading The Poisonwood Bible...  Perhaps....something to think about:  how can worrying over stupid things that don't matter and appreciating the small things in life look the same....but be so different?)

(In other news, it's surprisingly easy to break a perfectly great and fully functional Kindle.  Amazon, you're out of the will for not offering repair services.)

*This was actually a typo but turned out to be more truthful than what I had planned to write so I left it for you to enjoy, dear reader.  Don't overlook the irony.

Cheers!

Chronicle of a Homemaker

I would call it "Chronicles of a Homemaker" but I'm too relaxed (lazy) to write more than one.

It's totally stressful to get my to-do list (DVR list) completed during nap time, but, don't doubt my commitment to getting it done.  I'm watching The Bachelorette like a maniac right now.

Let me just say that Juan Pablo speaks wisdom.  He's just a simple guy looking for someone to share "the little things" with, in his words.  Thank you, ABC, you made me stop and think about appreciating the small things (like Juan Pablo's....nice.....accent).

Let me point out that the to-do list does include dishes and laundry but I added eating peach cobbler just because I'm an overachiever.  You're welcome.  Or, actually, I'm welcome.

I still need to detail the makings of said cobbler, but the eating of the cobbler has made me sleepy and lazy so I'll leave you on the edge of you seat.  OR I'll just use short phrases to re-cap.  (I forgot what this is called and Google seems to have eaten the same amount of cobbler I did because it was of no help AT ALL when I googled "writing with verb phrases", which I'm not even sure these are called.  (I just solved the mystery of the missing cobbler.  I blamed my husband but it turns out Google is a sneaky biotch.))

Knife slipping.  Peach juice dripping.  Pie crust crumbling.  Toddler playing.  Toddler running.  Pans piling.  Toddler clinging.  Time slowing.  Peaches baking.  Mommy eating.  A Lot.

I made myself leave just the tiniest bit of cobbler for my husband.  It's addictive, so that was a feat.

Back to the to-do.

Cheers.

PS-I hope you aren't looking for actual substance on this blog.  You have to read my book to get that.
PPS-I don't have a book.  JOKE'S ON YOU!

Where the Wind Comes Sweeping Down The Plains

Hmmm...6 month hiatus?  Yes.  But here I am!

In Oklahoma.

That's right.  My family made the journey home for good.  Living by my family has been heavenly.  My husband and I have had more alone time in the past four months than the whole time baby girl has been alive. 

Did I mention I'm a stay at home mom now?  You would think that I have an abundance of time to "work blog" but by the time nap time rolls around I'm trying to frantically fold clothes (by that I mean I am glued to HGTV or other quality daytime television like I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant) or vacuum while I have a few moments to myself.  I tell people you can judge the length of the nap by the cleanliness of the kitchen sink (or the amount of items checked off my To Do list i.e. the recorded DVR list).

My sweet baby turned one.  How much she has changed amazes me.  She delights me.  It has been an action packed year and I cannot wait for another one.

Prepare to hear about packing and moving yet again.  I haven't even had a chance to document the move from College Station to El Reno yet and am preparing to move from temporary housing to permanent as we blog!

I am still slowly losing my mind.  In the car this morning I attempted to turn up my radio volume for my and baby girl's listening delights.  As I was repeatedly hitting the + button, nothing was happening to the volume.  But I did, however, notice that my car increased speed.  It turns out that cruise control buttons do nothing for the radio.

I will try to hang on to what sanity is left until next time, when I bring you Adventures of a Mother Runner and Other Curious Events.

Cheers!

Tornadoes Are a North American Phenomenon

Or so Ben, my car guy, tells me. If hurricanes occurred in the southern hemisphere, they’d spin counter-clockwise.

Life is weird. I can pick up knowledge about random things in the strangest of places; learn from the most unexpected events. I can be exceedingly happy and grateful over something that can morph into my biggest source of stress. Living miles and miles away from my loved ones can make my heart ache but can also cause seeing family that much more sweet. Bad things happen to good people, and vice-versa. And no one understands, least of all me.

I guess there is a season for everything. I wish there wasn't. But that wouldn't make everything work the same way, would it?

Everything is made of peanut butter. I’m trusting that God knows what he’s doing.

Until next time…

PS-I’m still training for the half, I will be employed officially on Thursday, and I still have the same pair of sunglasses I got around Easter this year. I’m doing something right.

Take that, cosmos.

I Win

I watched seven hours of America's Next Top Model today. SEVEN HOURS. And I've been awake since 2am. Why? You ask. Because I jolted awake and then watched infomercials about Zoomba and the movie Up. Up is the reason I didn't go back to sleep. It sucked me in, plus made me cry. I like to watch children's movies. I have no shame. Things started seeing freakishly clear around 6pm today. But now that it's 8pm, not so clear. Lack of sleep? Lack of general concern? I'm out to run a bit, seeing as I've run a grand total of none this week.

Some people may look at my past two crazy days and think that I lost. I started the day yesterday with three potential and probable job offers and ended with none. I look at them and think that I won. In the long run I have been spared the agony of working in a truly unprofessional and unpleasant atmosphere, and that counts for a lot. Also? How many people can say that they have lost three jobs in one day? I win. I'll add that to my resume.


Furthermore, my day this morning started with a stakeout. I can't give you anymore details than that. Just picture Jerry Seinfeld and George Costanza spying on someone in a really inconspicuous way. I'll give you one guess as to who was playing George this morning. (Me. The paranoia is back....you know. The paranoia where the I'm George and my life is Seinfeld) Doing the stake out was quite amusing and informative, in a totally non-creepy, stalking way. Win again.

Don't worry. I'll keep my ear to the grindstone, as Ben Afleck so eloquently put it in one of my all-time favorite moves, Good Will Hunting. By that I mean, I may do some fictional writing posts later. or not. Either way, you can anticipate what's next, and, regardless*, I win. Please take note, masses: irregardless isn't a word. (not to indicate that I think I'm being followed on this thing by the masses.)

Until then!

PS-Apparently irregardless is a word, according to spellcheck, who wanted to change Zoomba to Zambia, which would have probably made for a much more interesting infomercial.

*Maybe I should clarify that irregardless shouldn't be used here, rather than saying it's not a word. Maybe it is a word. I can't think of any time it would be of acceptable use. I don't know much about grammar. I'll ask my cute little English Majoring sister.

Mary Tyler Moore, Please Call Extension 2404

I just ate some bad ass food prepared by my friend, I have two interviews next week, ( "Why am I excited about interviews if I seem to be employed?" you ask. Well, I'm employed as a temp, a temp receptionist, to be exact. I'm temping at a place that someone might call down to reception and ask me to page God, because everyone is a hilarious jokester like that. Ha freaking HA! And there is so much going on, I'd probably page God. But that's due in part to my unshakable work ethic. Either that or my need to play along with jokes. Usually I'm the one on that side of the jokes. Maybe this is a lesson from the cosmos to stop joking with people. It's just really hard to say at this point. Plus, the cosmos is kind of sneaky. (Side point: I am making an effort to actually have and live like I have a decent work ethic. Don't get me wrong, I haven't exactly taken advantage of my employers in the past. I have just done things like emailed excessively, which is just a matter of opinion, and work blogged, which could technically be furthering my potential writing career.....things really become grey that were once black and white if you dissect them enough. It seems like it should work the other way around.....)) I received an awesome care package from my MOM today, which included fancy paperclips (shout out to those of you who share my love of OFFICE SUPPLIES!!) a shirt, mechanical pencils, fruit snacks and a Starbucks card!!! Don't be fooled, I'm 25.

I don't know what could go better with this day. I really don't! I've been needing one of these days, and HERE IT IS! Refreshing. The world isn't out to get me after all, and the Man isn't getting me down, not for now, anyway.

Cheers!!! Until next time!

PS-I really don't know how this post could possibly be considered to be grammatically correct, seeing as the majority of it was a parenthetical side note and/or in parenthesis and/or a side note. Annnnnnnd it just got worse.

Check and Done

Oh, and my apologies for beginning two posts in a row with "day one of......" Tomorrow will be day two of training and still day one of living like I'm going broke. Why still day one you ask? Because that's whats before day two.

Later!

Lucky For You, I'm Unemployed

Day one of the half marathon training has found me! Hello there, day one. I feel as though you signify something lucky. I'm not sure where I get these ideas, but I have a lot of them right now. For example, I found one particular school in Houston that I find appealing. I've convinced myself that I will teach there. Also that they will call me today. It's like the scene in American Beauty when the mom is pep talking herself about selling the house TODAY. I picture myself being less of a tool than her, though. Hopefully.

I really do hope that today is lucky because I definitely shaved with a totally rusty razor this morning. I'll probably get tetanus. I looked in the lucky day handbook and it said that wasn't allowed. Read the handbook, day one of half marathon training. Don't break the rules on me.

Outlook for the day: good, if not lucky. Chance of baking a chocolate cake: 80%. Chance of me posting the clip from American Beauty for you later: 50%.

Until next time!

War: Revised

This is the post I wrote earlier today:

"This is the war on unemployment, the war on fat and the war on out-of-shapeness. Things are about to get serious. Free is an even bigger oxymoron today than it was yesterday."

But then I saved it rather than posting it because I'm pretty sure I can be classified as a cop-out because the very next post would most likely be about this so-called war actually starting tomorrow. So when I realized this I felt sorry for myself, because I'm lazy? The reason can't be pinpointed. So then I sulked and luckily read some good blog-work, mainly on a blog about women who post under the topic "I am Enough."

Here's the deal. Society can rule our thoughts and feelings of self worth. Society: You must be thin, you must get a 4 year degree, you must dress like you care, you must get a job and have a 5 year plan, you must have kids by a certain age, you must read The Gold Coast....wait. That last one was me, not society. You must eat cookies.......me again.

But seriously, I feel that if I'm not using my 4 year degree and using it at a job, that I actually have, I am ultimately a failure. But it hit me just now that this may not be true. What I need to figure out is my purpose, whether or not it has to do with a job, and do that. God put me here for a specific reason, maybe just to touch others lives with encouragement (sarcastic encouragement...that's an oxymoron?), maybe just to blog or eat southwest cheese enchiladas at Chuy's, maybe to be a mom. Whatever he had in mind....I am enough. And I need to believe it with every fiber of my being.

Cheers, to everything being made of peanut butter, and me being enough.

Until next time...

PS-This depressing/enlightening attitude might be due to the fact that I keep hearing the song Mad World over and over. It's stuck in my head. It's taking over my life. I literally hear it EVERY time I get in the car....or that God is trying to make a point. Probably the second one.

Other PS-I'm listening to the original Tears for Fears version circa 1982 and cracking up. Partially because Matt's dancing to it. Partially because it makes me feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

Yet Another PS-I am recalling some very good advice that a very wise woman gave me once. She told me that half our problems resulted from focusing on ourselves. She told me that I could start solving things by focusing on others, and not on myself; that I needed to find a way to help others. Maybe I should take this advice again.

Fun-ish in the Sun

So, I went to lay out, and did so for approximately 8 minutes, then returned indoors where is is blissfully cool. Now I'm cozied up with my book. Well, i say "my" book...I purchased the new Nelson Demille book for my dad for father's day but seem to already have borrowed it.



What a nice, speed-reading dad!

I'm off to enjoy being a non-working person. Sounds much nicer than being an unemployed person, right?

Until next time!